Love.

Honestly, it's the only thing i need to feel and hear and see. I'm so not complicated.
This world needs more of it.
I give my parents all the love I got. I try not to hurt them. i don't really get anything back but judgment.
It hurts.
I know everything I'm supposed to do and feel but i'm sorry. i cant.

i have the fricken gift of empathy. what a burden. i hate it. how am i ever supposed to be happy? am i personally supposed to be? i mean you can never fully please a human. honestly, i am easily pleased if someone shows their love for me at least one small time a day. that is literally all it takes. apparently that's really hard for most people to do with anyone. it would be nice for people to actually proactively think of ways to comfort someone too. it really doesnt take that much effort. honestly any effort from the heart can mean the world to someone else.

whatever. im still going into social work no matter how much people suck. i'm still out to see that struggling person gain hope again. i live for that. that's what i live for in life. showing people that there is hope. apparently i miss my own memo most the time but it makes me happy to see other people find it. that glisten their skin gives off. i see it. that spark. i guess i cant help everyone. but at least i can be there for someone. thats what gives me joy in life. seeing other people find it. i wonder if someone thinks that same way for me? beh. im only one small person in the world.

for real though im only one person. i really want to find people who are the same though.
i want to link arms. walk side by side.
blow right through this together.
i want to give classes on what it means to love. and how to do it.
i dont know.
maybe i can once i start taking my own advice.
if only i had a bigger support system.
i do have God.
HEY!
I thought about him. thats good.
ok.
i feel better now.
it reminds me that i am doing good in this world because i have helped people before. at least i did that. im not a failure to humanity i suppose.
ok. off to bed now.
shalom.... i cant wait til the day that happens haha.