Life as I know it.

I keep putting my trust in the garbage.
I need to trust more.
I need to relax more, like a very wise man tells me every day.
I'm pushing people away, scaring people away and making myself too vulnerable.
There is more to me than this.
Why do I let it take control of me?
WHY
i dunno.

All I know is I saw God last night.
There is hope.
I don't care what you think it is I saw, it is the only thing giving me hope right now, and I saw God in the form of a person.

SO you know when Christians give you advice? ALl they say is trust God and everything will be fine. Just pray, God will help. blah blah blah.... Well, do you think that maybe if you are one of those CHristians that believe God works through you, that maybe you should take the time to stop and help them because maybe you are the only way someone will see God that day? Seriously, stop Christianese talking the crap out of my ear. I have been a CHristian my whole life. I know God loves me. I know he cares about me and all the stuff. I just think his Kingdom should be brought down to earth a little more often than it has been at least in my life lately. If you really believe God uses you, try to literally be his hands and his feet. Love someone. Talk to them. Show them that they arent worthless.

Thank you.
I'm just sayin that because I saw God through someone over the phone last night.
He is Catholic and only knows about Catholicism, doesnt ever go to church, didnt even know Methodists were CHristian too and I saw God in him. No, we as humans do not give life, but CHrist through us can. ANd you know what, that hope and love I saw through him, I felt God's arms around me too. I felt at peace because someone decided to take the time to listen to my cry and love me, and cry with me, and BE with me.


I don't know. This is all ramblings. But think about it.